My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
