I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
