Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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