apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
