he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
