sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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