I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
