dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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