"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
