The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
