I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
