last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
