If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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