I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
