covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
