he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
