I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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