I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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