there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
