The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
