the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
