Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
we're so committed to being not committed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
