TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
