I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
