I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
