So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
