I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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