My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
