Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
