So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
