dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
