i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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