All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
