end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she told me i tasted like america
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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