Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
two words: eviction party
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
