It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
