If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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