I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
