I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
