White coat. Heels.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
