Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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