It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
