he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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