just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
