I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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