We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
