I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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