OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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