he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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