I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
