i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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