The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
